Dating advice 4 secrets to a spectacular relationship
Has your emotional experience of pain, hurt, regret or relationship failures clouded your judgement and expectations?”Once you know what it is you are looking for, it is important to get proactive - although once you have found your date, one love professional warned you should not take them here.It can feel easier to avoid being honest if we feel that could be hurtful, but it is only with honesty that trust is built, and trust is the essence of a good relationship. There are different qualities to sex at different stages in a long relationship: first, passion; the urgency of reproductive sex; snatched sex in the early years of parenthood; then the slower intimacy of midlife onwards.But our culture presents only one type as being valid: youthful, vigorous, usually penetrative.Web MD consulted the marriage and relationship experts to learn the best advice for a good marriage - five secrets to long-lasting love."We're born with the capacity to have a happy marriage, but we still have to work to develop it," says Howard Markham, Ph D, co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver and co-author of Fighting for Your Marriage.The couples who remain close and content are the pioneer-spirited among us who share the same secret formula: When problems crop up, they don't give up. "Everybody has the need to be listened to and fully understood," says Jack Rosenblum, Ph D, co-founder (with his wife of 29 years) of "Loveworks" couples' workshops and co-author of Five Secrets of Marriage from the Heart.They use the following five basic pieces of advice for a good marriage that can help every couple live (more) happily ever after. You need to make your partner feel heard, even if that means pushing aside some anxiety or sitting on your hands rather than offering advice when your partner needs to talk.
Are the lucky couples who continue to love and lust and live in relative harmony just that -- people whom the fates have blessed? Love isn't a present that gets handed to you; it's a special kind of learned behavior.It’s those differences that make life more interesting, as our lover opens up a whole new way of seeing or understanding the world.Enjoy what others have to offer rather than trying to change them to fit your own template of how life and love should be. Expecting someone to be everything you need and everything you are not is a recipe for disaster."Having a good marriage takes education," Markham says."We have to unlearn some bad habits and acquire other good ones." Other experts Web MD consulted agree. It's peaceful to lie in someone's arms in the dark with great music or even the low buzz of the TV (although that tends to distract me) in the background.Holding someone close in bed also makes you feel very secure with one another and the relationship. Men are taught that confidence solves just about anything.Let the other person learn about you while you're sober, before you get wasted with them. I've always been the type of guy who appreciates a natural look as it is, and when a girl does her makeup well, the results can be magical.Alcohol should be introduced into the relationship slowly, but if a drink or two takes the edge off, and wine adds romance it's fine. But the one thing that should never happen is excessive application: too much, too many colors, or if it's just a botched attempt at a good makeup technique.According to professional match-maker Rachel Mac Lynn however, all is not lost - but there are definitely things to be aware of before jumping into the dating pool.A chartered psychologist, Rachel has been a matchmaker for ten years, and said: “If you’re over forty and contemplating a committed, compatible relationship, there are likely to be some obstacles that hold you back from being whisked off your feet like in the good old days, when you didn't have a care in the world.“Whatever your personal and emotional circumstances are, male or female, putting some structure and planning into making your dreams come true might sound incredibly unromantic, but it gives you the best chance of success, not to mention making you feel empowered as you go through the journey to finding true love.”Rachel’s top tip for those getting back to dating is to work out what it is you want.